It'll Be Hard to Cope
by honorsAnonymous
Summary: Kurt's mother's cancer remissed, so how's his life different from what it would be elsewise? He plays football and does everything he can to get along with his father but, some days, it's just not enough. Follow Kurt through joining Glee Club and what happens after. Eventual Klaine, Possible future triggers: ED, self-harm, intense bullying, suicidal thoughts, and maybe even fluff!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Hi there! This is my first fanfic, and, although I despise long A/N's myself, I thought I ought to add a little something in here. Please be welcome to review and all constructive criticism will be taken into account (Especially since I don't have a beta yet!) :)**

**JSYK, Kurt's mom lives in this AU and therefore any OOC-ness should be in relation to that, let me know if something more is amiss!**

**-honorsAnonymous**

* * *

"Congratulations, you're in remission." The doctor heard sighs of relief and more than one squeal of happiness. She was okay, she was going to live on.

"Mom! Does this mean we can go home? You'll get to come home with us? You'll come and tuck me in and we can read a story at night and have a tea party during the day and we can-" the little boy rambled on to his mommy, so excited that he didn't see her face fall.

"Kurt, honey, I don't think I'll be able to come home right now; I'm still not feeling very well and I need some time to recuperate. You understand, don't you?" Elizabeth Marie Hummel was cancer-free, but her health hadn't been gained back yet. She needed her little boy to be strong for her until she could get back on her feet and take better care of him. "Sweetheart, I won't be too long, but you need to go back with your daddy tonight, okay?"

He pouted, "Mommy, please? I'll do anything, I'll be the best eight-year-old there is! Please come home?" His heart-broken expression nearly killed her resolve, but if she got well and was able to fortify herself, she would be able to come home for good and not worry about cancer again.

"You're fine just the way you are, okay? You'll be okay, Kurtie, Daddy'll take care of you and I'll be home before you know it." It was hard for her to look at his sad blue-green eyes, ones so like her own that changed from gray, to blue, to green, in between, and back again. "I love you, baby, and I want you to take care of your daddy too, okay? I'm not sure how he would last without the two of us. She relished in Kurt's little giggle, so happy he wasn't depressed by her extended stay at the hospital. It had been a long road for them, her diagnosis, believing she had gone into remission and then finding out the cancer had hidden elsewhere in her body, her second set of treatments. Chemo had done a number on Elizabeth and her frame showed it. No longer was she willowy and lean, now she was frail and gaunt. Her lustrous blonde-highlighted brown locks were gone, a victim of the Chemo, too. She wanted to be strong for her son, but she had a ways to go before she would get there.

Kurt gave his mommy a kiss and hug when visiting hours ended, then his daddy took his hand and walked him out of the hospital. It would be okay, his mommy said so.

* * *

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BE- SMACK!

Kurt groaned as he turned off his alarm clock. He was so not ready for another day of hell.

_Fuck school, I just wanna go sleep for an eternity._ He thought dramatically, lazily wiping his eyes and brushing his light brown bangs away from his eyes. He got out of his bed and made his way to his bathroom, slowly disrobing as he went. Looking at himself in the mirror, he could see dark purple shadows beneath his eyes from staying up too late again. _Coach is going to kill me tomorrow if I don't pay attention in practice again. I need to sleep more._ He made his way to his shower and turned on the water, letting it heat up before slipping in. Kurt washed his body, humming to the musical stuck in his head._ I think I'll try defying gravity!_ "Oh, how I wish I could," he muttered to himself. He toweled off and sat down in front of his vanity, leisurely going through his skin care routine, listening for his dad's footsteps.

He had spent the night worrying about telling his dad again, whether or not to. His mom figured it out when he was mooning over the front of an underwear catalog, or that's when she confronted him. She had looked at him and said, _Kurt, sweetie, I'm a mom, I _can_ tell what goes through your head; don't try to deny it, I know you're gay. _He had sat there struck dumb for a few seconds before he looked away, his cheeks contrasting bright red to the pale color it normally was. He couldn't look her in the eyes when he asked her if she still loved him. His mom looked appalled when she put her finger under his chin to catch his gaze. She had come really close to him and said _Don't you ever doubt that I will always love you more than life, especially when you're doing what makes you happy and being yourself._That had been when he was thirteen, three years later and he still hadn't gathered his courage to tell his dad. They still bonded over his dad's auto shop and when Kurt would work underneath the hoods with him every Saturday, but the courage laid dormant, if he had any to start with. But for now, he had school.

Kurt considered high school his personal hell. It was where everyone looked down on him and tried to hurt him. Despite his good grades, teachers disliked him; despite never saying a word to anyone, the students hated him; and despite his happy charisma, he had no friends. The simultaneous highlight and worst part of his day was football practice, he could exercise and prove that he was worth something, but the bullies were even worse. They didn't want someone so _faggy_ showing them up on their field. He was the best kicker at the school and had single-handedly won the team three games. Their only three wins in two seasons. He didn't dare wear his varsity jacket anywhere, it hung, unused, in his closet, waiting for the day he could flaunt it without fear. Kurt didn't think he'd ever get to wear it. He didn't even really like football, it was just another common ground with his dad, something they could play on those days his mom was really bad and they couldn't go to the body shop. But really, he was one helluva kicker from all that experience (his dad just didn't know that he couldn't do it without Beyonce's _Single Ladies_ playing in his head).

Finishing his skin care, he moved on to the outfit he had picked out the night before, dark blue skintight jeans, a forest green T-shirt, yellow belt, and yellow converse, topped off with a black zip-up jacket. He scowled at the what he considered to be unfashionable clothes, spiced up as much as he could without attracting too much attention. If he wore his beloved Alexander McQueen again, his clothes would be absolutely murdered by his daily dose of dumpster diving; the unsavory time-passer of his _"team mates". _He hated every last one of them and they hated him right back, hence the throwing him in a dumpster before school every single day. He found that the darker, less exuberant clothing didn't incite as much of their wrath and his dad was less likely to sigh and shake his head at him. Finishing up dressing, he headed up the stairs.

"Hey, mom, how are you this morning?" he muttered in passing as he gave his mom a kiss on the cheek and walked towards the fridge to get out some food for breakfast. Grabbing the pulp-free, all natural, orange juice from organically grown oranges, a grapefruit, and half-and-half from the fridge, he went about fixing his breakfast and his father's coffee.

"I'm doing okay sweetheart, how are you?" his mom sounded cheery, but her words belied the exhaustion she felt from being up late. Kurt didn't know why she couldn't sleep very well, but she had developed insomnia a few years back, it drained her unless she slept 'till noon -which she avoided at all costs for no apparent reason.

"'M fine," he mumbled back, pouring a little sugar-substitute sweetener over his three slices of grapefruit. He wasn't really up for much conversation this morning. Elizabeth could tell, so she decided to let him be for this morning, what harm could it do when they were both so exhausted at the moment? She really wished he'd eat more, but no convincing could be done on her part that didn't have a counter argument on his. Burt ignored it completely, so he was absolutely no help in that department. Kurt finished his breakfast (read: light snack for his mother's benefit only) and made himself a to go cup of coffee, reheating his dad's in the microwave. He could hear Burt's boots tromping down the stairs and was ready to go to school. The sooner it started, the sooner it would be over.

"Hey, kiddo, you ready to roll?" Burt asked cheerfully, relieved not to see his son in some frilly froo froo outfit again. It had been a week straight since the last one and he was so happy to not have to deal with another one.

"Yeah, let's go," Kurt was still muttering and Burt looked to Elizabeth, giving her a questioning look. She just shook her head and took another sip of her coffee. Burt took a deep breath and looked up to the ceiling then back to Kurt, he guessed it was time to get him to school.

"Alright, let's get in the car." And get in the car they did. There was a stifled silence the whole ride to school and Kurt barely gave his dad a mute little _Bye_ when he got out and started speed walking inside the building. Burt shook his head again and wondered what the hell had gotten into his kid.

* * *

Kurt was shocked. He had had a whirlwind day and was sitting in complete shock. It wasn't everyday that you and one other member of the football team got accused of hiding weed in your locker and got blackmailed to join a singing club. It's not like he minded the singing club, but the weed wasn't expected and he was terrified of the backlash that this would cause. Glee club was the lowest of the low, one level above him, but him joining it would bring him even lower, despite the fact that the quarterback was joining with him. Hell, the rest of the team would probably think that Kurt had tricked Finn into it and was doing something horrible and disturbingly, predatorily gay to him to get him to go along. It's not like they could tell anyone about the weed.

It had started getting weird that morning, when Mr. Schuester, the Spanish teacher, came up to him and asked him some totally unremarkable and mundane question, slowly drawing him away from where the boys would ambush him and drag him to the dumpster. He had told him to wait there and disappeared for twenty minutes, making him worry about how he was _so _late to first period. Then he dragged in Finn Hudson, the quarterback of the William McKinley High School's Titans. They were both then informed of the weed found in their lockers and hence blackmailed into joining the school's glee club, the New Directions. It only got weirder from there. Rachel Berry walked up to him and started chattering his ear off about Barbra Streisand and he only escaped by feigning having to use the restroom and cutting two hallways over. Then Mr. Schuester interrupted his Advanced French class to tell him to be in the choir room by three-fifteen that afternoon. Kurt had had to call his dad during lunch to tell him that he had to stay after school by a teacher's request and could he tell mom since she never answered the house phone. Come three-ten and Kurt wasn't sure what to make out of his day, he just walked numbly, trying to avoid everyone around him. Kurt showed up at the choir room and stepped through the door.

And then, there he was watching Rachel Berry come on to Finn Hudson way to strong as they sang Journey. He was already auditioning when Kurt walked in, all Kurt got afterwords was a _Stand in line with everyone else, I want to see Finn try some more._ It was Finn's song as the lead male and he was doing well, even though Rachel was looking at him like he just hung the moon in front of her eyes. Finn was obviously freaking out and Kurt was trying his hardest to play nice with the other kids with choral pieces. Kurt couldn't help but think that Schuester had to be crazy about making the two of them leads if he couldn't hear the admittedly beautiful black girl beside him obviously dying to just belt it out. He may be gay, but he could appreciate a girl's beauty and, boy, did she have _all_ the right curves.

He was about to say something about the disappointment of this club being only leads and chorus compared to the suggested happiness that should come with its name when the girl beside him cut off the song. "Mr. Schue? No disrespect, he's good and all, but I didn't sign up to stand in the background hummin' and shufflin'; I would go right to my church's chorus for something like that. This club is supposed to be about the joy that music inspires, or at least the amazing feelings. This is turning into a grin and bear it situation, not what I want to be doing at all!"_ Damn_ was she in sync with his mind or what!

"I agree, Mr. Schuester, this may not have been my first choice, but I'm not musically inept either. It's obvious that you intend to feature those two over anyone else and I would like to know why you even bothered to drag me into this club when you're blatantly disregarding me," Kurt chimed in, knowing he'd have to say it now or the dense teacher would spend forever bulldozing right over the other members in favor of stars. It may have been a little crude to just cut in, but he didn't want them to be doomed until Schuester got it together.

"Umm... well, uh... I guess..." Schuester kept hemming and hawing until Rachel Berry interrupted him.

"I, for one, Mr. Schuester, think you were completely right in chosing Finn and I as the power lead couple; after all, we both have the most powerful voices and I have a ridiculously wide range while his tones compliment mine. The song suits the choral piece for our other members and it has the powerful kick off we can easily take advantage of in a competition setting." She would've kept going except for the wide open-mouthed gaping she was receiving from Kurt, the black girl, Mercedes, a boy in a wheel chair, Artie Abrams, and an Asian girl, Tina Cohen-Chang. "What? Did I do something wrong?"

"Rachel, as much as you love being in the spotlight, the other kids are right; you're not the only one who gets to shine. From here on out, I will refuse to have stars; I will have key singers, and those will be each and every one of you, plus any new members we manage to bring in." Will Schuester was in rare form, responding sternly and diffusing the situation in the most fair way.

"No-no stars? How could you say no stars?! Stars help to make everyone shine brighter! They illuminate everyone an-and bring out their best qualities! How could you say no stars!" Rachel's voice started becoming shrill by 'brighter' and was downright painful by 'How'.

"Rachel!" Schuester bit out, "I will say this once more, no stars! If you completely go against my ruling again, I will be forced to suspend you from the club. This is a serious matter about a team, not some ensemble made to enhance you." Rachel huffed and stormed out, the first of many, Kurt was afraid, that they'd end up witnessing.

"Thank goodness she's gone," Kurt said under his breath.

"Yeah, totally," Mercedes whispered his way with a grin. "Thanks for backing me up back there, I have just about had it with the 'Rachel Berry Show' that seems to be going on around here."

"I totally understand; 'most powerful' my ass; she hasn't even heard me hum, let alone sing, and you look like you can downright wail it, girl." Kurt responded in kind.

Finn looked at Kurt funny, like he hadn't seen him and didn't know where he came from. "I think that's the most I've ever heard you say."

Kurt looked Finn up and down, "I think that's the most intelligent thing I've ever heard you say. You don't hear because you don't want to know that I'm a real person that you shove into a dumpster daily. You people hate me and, trust me, it's mutual," he said with a sneer on his face and his eyebrow raised.

Everyone looked at Kurt, not having expected his jaded response. "Since this seems to be over, can I leave now? I have fulfilled your terms, coming to glee practice and joning your club, Mr. Schuester. I really don't want to be around the sycophant that is Rachel Berry any longer than I have endured and excuse me for not enjoying your stellar handling of putting me in a line as soon as I got here without sheet music or even having me try out after you found your little stars. Rays of sunshine like your little club don't do anything for me, so I'll just be on my way."

Schuester looked flabbergasted as Kurt calmly turned around, grabbed his bag from a chair, and sped out of the classroom, en route to the front of the school building to wait for his mom.

Kurt could barely believe he had just done something like that. It was something he'd always wanted to do, just give someone a piece of his mind by means of tongue-lashing and walk out cool and collected. He could honestly say he didn't expect it to be to a teacher, but he was just so done with school, preferably forever.

He managed a smile as his mom drove up, "Hey, mom, thanks for coming to pick me up."

She grinned at him, looking a lot less worse for wear than she had that morning, "No worries, honey, no what were you kept after for?"

"Believe it or not, I think I just joined a new club."

"Oh, Kurt! That's fantastic! What is it?" His mom was absolutely radiating happiness for him. Kurt tried his best to be positive for her, knowing that, personally, moods like this didn't come around very often.

"Um, Glee Club. I just joined Glee Club, mom." Kurt couldn't kill how overjoyed she was, so he grinned back at her, even though he knew that hell would be getting even worse soon.

* * *

**A/N So, let me know what you think! I have every intention of making this a multi-chapter fic with eventual Klaine and hopefully a more serious take on a few of the issues that pass through Glee. It'll be interesting, I promise! Look for a new update soon, maybe even later today, I'm in a write-y mood :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N So I'm completely astounded by the number of hits I've received! :D This is so amazing! AHHHH! Thank you to those who favorite-d and followed and I even received my first reviews! I'm on cloud nine :) And this is the third time I've tried with this chapter, FFN really feels like screwing me over today.**

**Alrightie then, I had forgotten the disclaimer last chapter, so I'm putting one up now and it will stand for this chapter, last chapter, and other chapters from here on out.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any recognizable characters or content, they belong to Ryan Murphy and co. And the songs mentioned are "Close Every Door" by Andrew Lloyd Webber from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and "Daydreamer" by Adele.**

**This is where a few of my trigger warnings on the summary start to play in. Be ready for more intenseness as the story reveals itself. Even I'm not really sure where it's going! Enjoy and review/comment/critique/favorite/alert. By the by, I'm considering upping the rating to M, so let me know what you think.**

**Whew, that was a lot... Sorry! :)**

* * *

Kurt was shocked by how well Mr. Schuester had adjusted the group within the time he'd been there. It had taken him three weeks to get used to singing with the others, but a month and a half in and no greater repercussions from joining glee club or deviations from what he normally endured than a few slushie facials here and there. That's not to say that they didn't sting like a bitch, but it wasn't ante'd up like he had expected. The first few weeks were rough, Kurt had easily pulled Mr. Cellophane out of his repertoire for auditions, but Mr. Schuester kept testing his patience.

Kurt was having a bad day.

It started as most days did: he was ambushed and tossed into the dumpster in the parking lot. Unexpectedly, he was able to catch his breath and stumble out of it before the jocks had made it inside the school building. That of course prompted them into picking him up and slamming him into it even harder. He easily lost his breath again, this time gasping at the sensation of slitting skin. His upper arm had been cut by a broken sweet tea glass bottle. Kurt went dizzy from the rush of adrenaline he felt in his head, grasping onto the edge of the garbage receptacle. He was so out of it that he didn't realize what he was touching. He vaguely recognized the need to disinfect the wound as he tried to put some pressure on it. The sting made the rush even stronger and his eyes slowly slid shut. The tardy bell pulled him out of his haze; he meandered into the building, making his way towards the nurse's office.

Kids were rushing to their classes, so when Kurt was pushed into a locker, he thought it was an accident. Then he saw the satisfied smirk that made up Karofsky's visage. He was pushed down, his head viciously slamming on the locker on the way. Kurt pulled his limbs into a little ball, trying to protect as much of his body as he could. He expected the hard swipe to his head, but not the double teaming that Karofsky's crony, Azimio Adams, made possible. Stringing along words like 'homo' and 'our halls' they kicked him until he was gasping for breath then ran on to their classes, sweet-talking themselves out of tardies.

Kurt decided that going to the nurse would be a bad idea, he didn't have any ibuprofen in the office, and the nurse didn't have the soft-spot expected to be saved for injured kids. In fact, he'd probably be turned away for being one of 'his kind'. It was like the people around here thought that they would 'catch the gay' if they spent too long around him. Kurt hid in the boy's bathroom by finding a piece of paper and writing "OUT OF ORDER" on it. He sat on a layer of toilet paper on top of the toilet seat, minimizing contact with germs. His whole body ached and he couldn't wait for this day to be over. Kurt wouldn't even leave to eat lunch. He was wont to not eat lunch most days, but normally he at least put up appearances. It was a good thing that he was skipping football practice for glee, even though it wouldn't earn him any favors with Coach Tanaka. He couldn't handle much more time with those Grade-A Neanderthals. Kurt started stretching about five minutes before the final bell would ring, figuring that when everyone scrambled from their classrooms would be the perfect time to try to evade the lumbering hazards that were his team-mates.

After he ran to each of his teachers to ascertain what his assignments were, Kurt was able to make it to the choir room, thankfully unmolested.

"Kurt! I'd like you to do something for me today," Mr. Schuester said as soon as Kurt stepped through the door, absolutely oblivious to his emotional state.

Schue didn't even notice the inflected sarcasm when Kurt answered in a mock-cheery voice, "Sure Mr. Schuester, anything for you!"

Schuester was thrilled by Kurt's response and immediately started telling Kurt what he wanted, "I want you to sing me two different songs, showcasing your lowest and highest registers. You think you can do that?"

Kurt scoffed, of course he could do it, and he had the perfect songs within his repertoire. After checking with Brad and telling him the two songs, Kurt started out with the lower.

_Close every door to me,_

_Hide all the world from me._

_Bar all the windows_

_And shut out the light._

_Do what you want with me,_

_Hate me and laugh at me._

_Darken my daytime,_

_And torture my night._

_If my life were important I would ask will I live or die?_

_But I know the answers lie_

_Far from this world._

_Close every door to me,_

_Keep those I love from me._

_Children of Israel_

_Are never alone,_

_For I know I shall find_

_My own peace of mind,_

_For I have been promised a land of My own!_

Rachel and Tina joined in on the children's choral part, keeping everything on time.

_Just give me a number_

_Instead of my name._

_Forget all about me_

_And let me decay._

_I do not matter,_

_I'm only one person._

_Destroy me completely,_

_Then throw me away._

_If my life were important I would ask will I live or die?_

_But I know the answers lie_

_Far from this world!_

_Close every door to me._

_Keep those I love from me._

_Children of Israel_

_Are never alone!_

All the other members joined in for the harmony of the last few lines.

_For we know we shall find_

_Our own peace of mind,_

_For we have been promised_

_A land of our own!_

Kurt couldn't quite believe how well he'd executed the song! He could go up against Donny Osmond himself with that rendition! He'd hit all the lows that nobody expected from someone with as high of a speaking voice as his own.

"Wow, Kurt, just Wow! I have to say, amazing performance! First of all, Broadway? Bravo! Also, you hit all of the notes and were on pitch perfectly, a truly amazing job!" Frankly, Mr. Schuester was surprised by the gem he had unknowingly caught. He was so glad that he had decided to claim he'd found the marijuana in both Finn AND Kurt's lockers. He'd caught lead-male gold and a voice he could easily feature.

Kurt was relishing in the fact that he was receiving praise over a Broadway number while Rachel sulked in the back corner, conceding to herself that she never could have power-housed that song the way he just had. Next, he decided to sing "Daydreamer" by Adele. A very different style and it had all the high notes that no one expected him to be able to reach, too. Even with his raving reviews, Kurt thought that he was about as tired as he could get. He just wanted to go barricade himself in his nice, clean, stream-lined, monochromatic room, to burrow into his sheets and comforter.

"With all due respect, Mr. Schue, I think that is probably the best performance you are going to get out of me, today. Is it alright if I go ahead and leave?" Kurt was so ready to get out of there.

"Oh, yeah Kurt, whatever you need to do," Schuester was still kind of out of it, thinking about what uses he could put Kurt's voice up to. Maybe there'll be a solo for Sectionals waiting the next time he came to glee practice.

Kurt sped out of the choir room as best as he could with all of painful aching and throbbing throughout his body. He was preoccupied with thoughts of distracting his mother as he walked through the building but, once he got to the front, Kurt noticed the football players streaming out of the locker rooms. He stopped himself from pacing or freezing up, adopting a careless posture as their words made their way through the warm air towards him.

"…an't believe they'd keep a gay…"

"…Yeah, he's just shamin' the rest've us. We work hard and he kills it all…"

"…I don't like the idea of a homo on our team…"

"…Yeah, like, I mean, he could be watchin' us or somethin'…"

"…I bet that's how the little freak gets's kicks…"

"…od, I don't want some little _fag_ lookin' at my junk. That's just wrong man…"

"…I say we kick him out of the locker room, no homo's gonna come in and infect our place…"

The little snippets that Kurt could hear just crushed him, his residual high from doing so well in glee completely disappearing. The voices of Karofsky, Azimio, and two others were fading in and out. He knew he hated these guys, but he didn't expect them to be to devastatingly blatant with their dislike. They didn't even know he was there! Kurt backed himself up to the school wall, his wrist grazing a rough part. And then the adrenaline was rushing through his head again; it hurt, but his mind didn't. He couldn't think enough about the emotional pain with that feeling flowing through his veins. By the time he came back to his surroundings, the football players were gone and he could see his mom's car making its way towards the front of the building.

Elizabeth could tell something was wrong with Kurt by the drained way he was working; so when he was putting his bag in the backseat, she was formulating a way to cheer her baby up. "Hey, Kurt, how did the day go?" She could tell he would deny everything if confronted, so she wouldn't ask about the blood on his sleeve or the purpling bruises on what she could see of his forearms. Not yet, anyways.

"It was fine mom," Kurt lied through his teeth with false cheeriness.

"Well, I'm here if you need me," she said, immediately showing that she didn't buy it without pushing him. "How about we go out and do something? Hollister has a new bag in; we can go get a few tank tops or something." Elizabeth knew that one of the best ways to her little boy's heart was shopping. Retail Therapy would help with the hurts she could see him nursing without maiming his probably aching pride.

"I don't know mom, I'm tired and all I really want to do is go lie down," Kurt was really upset if he was going to hesitate on getting the Hollister bag. He'd been collecting since he was fourteen and it was stashed away in some hidey-hole that she couldn't find and Burt would never be able to.

"Come on Kurt, we can even pick up some Chinese to go for dinner. You know your dad will be okay with that." It sounded tempting, oh so tempting. He couldn't help but start counting the calories he'd already eaten at breakfast that day and the ones he'd be sure to eat tonight. They were too high, the numbers were too high… but it sounded so good just to be with his mom and not worry. His mom knew him so well.

"Fine, get in, get the back, get out, and then we can have a mini feast on Chinese. But please mom, nothing too fattening tonight, alright?"

"Deal," Elizabeth couldn't help but grin at the idea of getting him to eat something even slightly substantial. The bag would make him so happy, too. She knew her son so well.

* * *

It was a wonder how well browsing around a store with his mom affected his mood. He told her about thrashing the songs for showing off his range and she laughed at the idea of their flabbergasted expressions. They were joking and laughing and Kurt was looking around for something big enough, but worth the price of the new Hollister bag. That was when Kurt saw him. He had to be the most handsome boy in the whole world, walking around with some sort of suit on and bright pink sunglasses. He looked lost and his big hazel puppy dog eyes absolutely ensnared Kurt.

Elizabeth looked over when her son had gone silent, following his gaze to a dapper young man in a private school uniform. She nearly had to laugh at how cute her son and he were, avoiding eye contact, but catching quick gazes when they thought the other wasn't looking. Kurt saw his mom looking between him and the other boy and turned absolutely red. He grabbed a dark T-shirt he had been looking at and a bright blue and red striped belt to complement it and then dragged her to the check out. He didn't notice that the other boy was looking at him as if he were fascinated. Elizabeth didn't say anything about it, but she could tell Kurt was absolutely dying to meet this boy. She mentally patted herself on the back for distracting her son so thoroughly from the disparity he seemed to have been falling into earlier.

They snagged some Chinese food on the way home, with Kurt even ordering fried rice, his guilty pleasure, instead of white. He knew he wouldn't be able to eat lunch tomorrow with such disgustingly high levels of fat in his veins, but it tasted so good and he'd had a rollercoaster of a day.

Finally, Kurt sought the refuge of his room and was granted access. He breezed through his skin-care routine and decided that sleep was a necessity. He groaned when he realized that he'd have football practice the next day. High School: 987 Kurt Hummel: 000

* * *

**A/N Well, there you go folks, we have ourselves a Blaine sighting! YAY! Poor Kurtie, won't he ever get to catch a break? I guess we'll find out in the next installment of IBHTC.**

**Serious time again, I think I'll be changing the rating to 'M', so please let me know your thoughts. I think that's all for now... Don't forget to review/favorite/alert/etc. :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Another upload... YAY! I'm still not really sure where this is going, so if you have any ideas, I am all ears... or eyes... I will be ****_reading _****it, after all. I'm not really sure just how I'm going to fit the fluff into this, but I'll finagle a way, I love fluff almost as much as I love angst... which you should be able to tell -after only two chapters- is quite a bit. And, I have decided that I WILL BE INCREASING THE RATING TO 'M' NEXT CHAPTER. So keep your eyes peeled for that. All in all, I hope you enjoy this chapter and Review/critique/favorite/follow/Etc.** :)

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"Oof," _Well, _Kurt thought,_ that hurt._ It seemed that high school was never going to give him a legitimate day off.

High School: 988 Kurt Hummel: 000

He hated that his tally was so depressingly nonexistent when life was beating up on him so badly. Kurt gently slid himself out of the dumpster and grabbed his bag off the ground. He was glad that Finn had at least come through for him by saving his accessory. Goodness knows he could have thrown it in with him. _Well,_ he thought, _time to try braving the storm. _Kurt always tried to remember something his mom told him with frequency: There can be no rainbow without the rain. He hoped that meant that he would only have to endure this for so long, but here he was, a sophomore, and he still had days becoming worse and worse. Like being slapped by a blizzard. Slushie facials really hurt his day.

High School: 989 Kurt Hummel: 000

"Oh my gosh, Kurt, they got you, too," Mercedes walked up to him and grabbed him by the arm. He hissed at the pressure on his scrape, but she didn't notice. "Come on, white-boy, you're coming with me." Suddenly he was being dragged into the girls' bathroom where he saw Rachel and Tina wiping colorful slushies off their faces.

"Well, ladies, it's not my first choice of color, but it's not as bad as blue-raspberry," Kurt snarked bitterly as he wiped the green slushie out of his hair. He grabbed a moist towellete packet that he'd secretly bought from a corner shoppette and stowed in his bag out of a pocket. He peeled one out for each Rachel, Tina, and himself as Mercedes kneeled while starting to 'Tide-to-go" the spots on his bright blue pants. Kurt looked on forlornly as they each slowly de-slushed themselves.

_Well, it was the start of another day at _McKinley High School_, what did I expect?_

Kurt grabbed his bright pink belt and carefully wiped off the green residue. He slid it back through his belt loops carefully, his mind on the pink sunglasses he'd seen the day before that inspired the ostentatious decision.

"I so don't want to go to football practice with those jerks. They are not worth the time spent on drilling them, they will not score a single goal, and they do not think that their atrocious acts will catch up to them!" Kurt huffed, working himself out of his little moment of happiness from thinking about that beautiful hazel-eyed boy.

"Kurt, I don't mean to sound ignorant-" Rachel started.

"Trust me, you will sound ignorant." Kurt cut off.

"But, as I was saying, why do you even play football when all you're going to get is intolerance and detriment to your well-being?"

Kurt sighed, having not expected any of this to happen this morning, he was woefully unprepared to go into the whole "my dad doesn't like gays, which I'm totally not, and loves football and it's the only way I that I am ever going to make him proud" speech. He instead answered with a simple, "It is none of your business Rachel. Come on, girls, we have class to get to." He helped Mercedes off the floor, thanked her for her help, did one more once over of his clothes, and left the girls bathroom, carefully looking left and right as he went.

Classes passed slowly, Kurt looked over his shoulders during every change and was majorly paranoid the entire time. He couldn't wait for the day to just end. Five minutes until school let out, Kurt received a little scribbled note; more like it was thrown at him and aimed for his face. Good thing that whoever wrote it had awful aim. That alone told him that the perpetrator was one of the football players, they always tried -and miserably failed- to put a spin on their projectiles.

_Stay away frum R locerroom Fary._

_Beware of R reveng._

Kurt could easily piece together that it was a football player from the atrocious spelling and Karofsky's smirk told him more than he wanted to know.

He really ought to watch out for the football players, but there was nowhere else for Kurt to go except into the locker room. He _had_ to change for practice and being late was not an option. He was already on Coach Tanaka's shit list; Kurt didn't need to make things worse for himself. So, ten minutes before practice was due to start, Kurt trailed several feet behind the other players to the locker room, his extra clothes in tow.

"Fairy, I thought I told you to not come in here. What kind of stupid are you?" Kurt flinched at the voice in his ear. He was facing the wall of lockers and pulling off his over-shirt. Karofsky was towering over him and snarling his words. "Hey boys, I think it's time we taught the prancing little queer a lesson." Surrounded by Azimio, Karofsky, and two other, reluctant, boys, Kurt knew he was in for a thrashing. The first punch was a surprise, banging his head into his open locker, and the holding of his head in said locker was unexpected too. Then the more familiar territory of kicks and punches started.

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!" The barrage against Kurt's body stopped and he slunk down to the floor, wincing at all the scrapes layering his body. Coach Tanaka looked pissed to see his footballers hurting one of their team-mates. He thought of Kurt as more of one of the glee-kids, but he couldn't let the football players off of it when two of the guys were obviously on this kid's side. The kids, Matt and Mike, were pulling Karofsky off of Kurt, showing that they would tattle if he didn't deal with his players. "I'M WAITING!" he roared, trying to get something that would let him be able to get his players off without any trouble.

Kurt made a little whimper on the floor, the loud noises the coach made were reverberating in his head and he couldn't stop himself. The coach looked at him with thinly veiled disgust; he grabbed Kurt by the arm and pulled him up on his feet. Kurt wasn't able to stop the scream escaping him from the pain radiating from his wrenched arm. There was a quiet opening and closing of a door while all of the players looked at each other uneasily.

"Porcelain,_ what the devil's flying monkeys has happened to you!_" Sue Sylvester had arrived with Quinn Fabray and Santana Lopez flanking her and her bullhorn in tow. Kurt winced again, all of the sudden noises disorienting his head and making his knees shake as they feebly held him up. Sue barked through the bullhorn again, "Tanaka, I want every B.O. infected, hormone run, awful excuse for progeny of an entire generation out of this room in fifteen seconds!" Everyone looked at her oddly until she started counting down, then they scrambled out, despite their states of undress. "Except you; I want the Asian and the one next to the Asian to stay, got it?" Mike and Matt did double takes then nervously went to help support Kurt up.

"I want explanations and I want them _now._ Somebody better explain to me why we have an injured, high-pitched, wheezy, flop-haired, singing masquerade having trouble standing up." There was nothing quite like the insults of Sue Sylvester, even if they are in your defense. Kurt could not concentrate enough to pay attention, though. His breathing was unsteady and he really just wanted the pain to stop.

Coach Tanaka had a nervous look about him, he was not quite sure how to deal with the backlash of what he let happen. Matt looked to Mike, who looked right back at him. Kurt actually was wheezing a little from his ordeal. Matt spoke up, "Well, Coach Sylvester, some of the guys said something about Hummel not being allowed in the locker room and him being too stupid not to listen and then someone banged his head into his locker. Then they started hitting him and he fell to the floor. Mike and I were trying to pick them off of him when you came in." Sue looked at him silently, her lips pursed in a grimace as her glare intensified. She glared at Coach Tanaka.

"Tanaka, you useless excuse for a piece of staff that pines away for a doe-eyed ginger, why didn't you stop them from ganging up on fancy pants?" Coach Tanaka was taken aback by Sue's little quips and didn't know how to respond to her question. He muttered something along the lines of football, coaching, boys, and the next game of the season. "Well, Tanaka, I hope you realize that every chance of winning the next game was punched out at the same time Porcelain was, he will not be playing for you for at least three weeks; I can guarantee you that, you lard-filled, before picture of a weight-loss commercial."

Sue Sylvester was not happy as she barged out of the locker room, Santana and Quinn gently grabbing Kurt from Matt and Mike as they all followed her to her office. "Boys, I want a full escort on Porcelain after school and during practices. If that means you have to join painting or twirling or whatever Lady-face does in his spare time, I don't care. Between the times he's in class, at home, or with me, you will be around him. Is that clear." Sue's last sentence should have been a question, but the menacing glare she gave to Mike and Matt booked no arguments. "Now scram, I need to talk to Princess here alone," she said to the boys before turning to Santana and Quinn, "You too, I want you to take up positions outside the door." Kurt looked nervous as they all exited the office space, leaving him alone, seated in front of the intimidating Coach Sylvester. "Alright Lady-face, I bet you're wondering why I saved your little butt from the rampaging footballers," Kurt managed a little nod. "Well, Princess, I dislike Will Schuester, your shellacked little Glee club patron, and I wish to take him down. This will be easily accomplished by winning over his people and placing my own in his little pet project. You will have my protection if you become my spy, Santana and Quinn will be joining the club as well as your two little football buddies. You will all lobby for me whenever I bid. It will be easy enough and all of the Cheerios will back you in the hallways and whenever they see you in trouble. How does immunity sound to you?" Kurt was floundering; Sue's sharp deliverance of her proposal had caught him unawares.

Kurt started to nod, he could see all of the advantages for himself, but then he stopped himself before he could agree. "What else do you want?" He was able to quietly say without distressing his stomach. He knew there had to be more in it for her. If she was already placing Santana and Quinn in Glee Club, why did she need him?

"You're quick, fancy, I'll give you that. I need some new performances to blow the top off at the next Cheerio competition. I think you could train Santana, Quinn, and the other girls to do a spunky musical number with you on lead. It could be the next big step in your career." Sue had laid out the perfect trap. Kurt could see it, and he wanted it so desperately. But, he could not forget his dad. He loved his dad and couldn't increase how much of a disappointment he was to him. Kurt knew that glee club already stretched the limits, that plus his future inaction in games due to how badly Karofsky had roughed him up would push his dad over the edge. He wouldn't be able to walk around his house without the shame that his father's eyes would layer upon him.

"I'm sorry, Coach. I can't do it." Kurt was quiet and respectful as he gently picked himself out of the chair in front of her desk and shuffled out into the hallway. There were few times Sue Sylvester was surprised by someone's actions, but she could truthfully saw that she was dumbfounded.

Kurt went to his locker and grabbed his bag, vowing to grab his extra clothes from the locker room later in the week. He limped off of school grounds and approached a convenience store. He took a fortifying breath, straightened his gait, and walked in. Kurt meandered towards the toiletry aisle, trying to avoid suspicion. He looked around and grabbed a few packets and a canister; he then paid and left the store. Kurt tucked them into his bag and went back to the school to wait for his mom to come pick him up.

Later that night he pulled out his bag and that day's purchases; he looked at them and staring right back at him were three packages of replacement razors. Kurt threw the canister of shaving cream he bought to be less suspicious in the trash can in his bathroom and hid two of the packages, one in his closet and one under his bathroom sink. The third package he slowly opened, as if afraid it might bite. But that was silly, wasn't it? Biting was exactly what he wanted them to do. Five razor blades fell into his hand, four were placed in his bedside drawer, and one was laid against his hip, slicing once, twice, three times before he went and rinsed it off. He watched the blood slowly making its way down his side. He had pulled his pants lower so they wouldn't encumber the blood's trail, but it didn't matter since it sluggishly tapered off. Kurt slowly disrobed and walked to his shower, hoping the sting would make the dizziness even stronger. He loved that little rush of adrenaline in the back of his mind; he never knew that something like a little bit of bloodletting would make him feel so much better. His emotional pain was slowly replaced with physical pain and he felt like he was on cloud nine; Kurt would be okay, he could deal with physical pain.

* * *

**A/N I wanted to say that I'm really sorry about the sporadic updates so far, I know that this is no excuse, but I've been sick and had a major amount of make-up work to get back to. Let's just say that there is no set schedule but I'll try to keep you from waiting for longer than three weeks per post. I'll try, no promises. I hope you all enjoy this and let me know if you have any ideas :)**


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